![]() Now for anyone who’s been in the Kink Community you know that this is the ideal and not always what’s used in practice. You use your words and those words are respected.Ĭreated by Isaac Cross for the Colorado Center for Alternative Lifestyles You don’t have to think about eye contact, facial expressions. ![]() ![]() There are even visuals often included in the information about how to negotiate, showing a Venn diagram of the things that you want the things that you will not agree to and the other person’s things they want and they will not agree to. Waiting until they’re vulnerable to add new activity is considered coercion. Tricking someone into engaging in some sort of behaviour is frowned upon. What about intensity? Is this going to be slow and sensual? Painful? Are you wanting to try and escape the bondage? Or is it part of further sensual or sexual play? Are we talking rope bondage? Leather cuffs? No physical bondage, but if you move we stop?(verbal bondage). For example if you’re negotiating for bondage, you don’t just negotiate to engage in bondage but you also talk about what kind of bondage. And when you do engage in an activity with someone it is first talked about with an exploration of what is and isn’t okay to do and how it is going to be done. you’re not supposed to touch anybody without their enthusiastic and explicit consent. When you first come into the community there are tons of workshops and mentors and information handouts even on how to negotiate the BDSM scene. The thing that really appealed to me when I first discovered the Kink community, is the respect for bodily autonomy that is built into the framework. So as someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD and is likely also on the autism spectrum, I’d like to explore and share my thoughts on why these things overlap. (There are millions of blog posts, vlogs, articles and research papers on the infantilism of folk with disabilities, google Disabilities and Sexuality sometime). ![]() This is in line with other research on disabilities and sexuality, and that we (in society) often view individuals with disabilities as incapable of developing adult interests, and any sexual behaviour is considered problematic. She noted that much of the research examining the prevalence of autistic individuals engaging in paraphilic or deviant sexual behaviours often describe behaviours that would be considered kinky but not deviant or paraphilic if observed in neurotypical individuals. In 2015 Kellaher wrote an article on sexual behaviour and autism spectrum disorders. Social skills are also important to consider, according to these researchers, as the rules for engagement are clearly and explicitly laid out in BDSM tutorials, which means that folk with supposed social deficits have clear guidelines as to how to interact before, during and after engaging in BDSM. It’s an intersting read, check it out in the references below. These researchers explored sensory perception differences and BDSM, noting that there are lots of sensory behaviours In both of these spectrums, and that these positively correlated with BDSM control behaviours. We’re not the first people to be exploring this topic either, April of 2018 Boucher and Gautheir wrote an article called “ Relationships between characteristics of autism spectrum disorder and BDSM”. Many of us have noticed patterns of behaviour in the Kink community that could be indicative of folk who are on these spectrums. There’s been an ongoing conversation at the centre about the overlap between the autism spectrum detention deficit Spectrum and the BDSM community.
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